Posted in inner space on Jan 4th, 2009 No Comments »
every time i sit down to write, i find myself clearing first. the first few paragraphs that i write (sometimes more than a few paragraphs) are for clearing a way through the thought thicket, looking for signs of a path to follow, seeking footsteps in the brush, hunting tracks of a train of thought to [...]
Posted in inner space, rant on Dec 22nd, 2008 Comments Off
there is a woman at the shelter where i’m staying who is working on building her business. and she’s a complete dyke. a butch. one of those lesbians who never wear dresses. and if her shoe has a heel, it also has a steel toe. anyway. i was thoroughly enjoying talking with her. in the [...]
Posted in inner space on Dec 1st, 2008 No Comments »
I’ve escaped. I read this interesting book sometime ago — “Kindred” by Octavia Butler — in which this woman travels, involuntarily, back and forth through time. For some reason, she keeps dropping in on this plantation family, suddenly appearing and disappearing from their lives. A family already dysfunctional, her last visit is a culmination, [...]
Posted in inner space on Oct 28th, 2008 No Comments »
i don’t know if you’ve ever really experienced anger. i mean, everyone gets angry, but i remember talking with someone i knew about my anger and she was pooh-poohing the whole idea that i was any angrier than anyone else. except i said something about getting homicidal and she said something like “yeah, sure, everybody [...]
Posted in inner space on Oct 7th, 2008 No Comments »
i always say i don’t have time to blog, but when life starts getting fucking insane (and even when it’s normal), it really helps to unpack the shit going on to see where the shatterpoint lies.
i’m looking at this craziness, knowing that i’m responsible for it, and wondering where the crux is. what is it [...]
Posted in inner space on Oct 7th, 2008 1 Comment »
I remember one of my first roommate situations. I was on time for an interview with the guy renting the room, and the place was a pigsty. There were dirty towels on floor, dirty dishes in the sink, and the place had the look of seeped-in grime. Naively, I asked “The place is usually cleaner [...]
Posted in inner space on Sep 7th, 2008 1 Comment »
I’m the wrong kind of oddball. I always figured, due to my incredibly dysfunctional childhood, that I belonged with the other outcasts, and so I naturally gravitated to them in any given situation. But I keep finding out that I don’t fit there either. I always assumed that the outsiders would be working to work [...]
Posted in inner space, rant on Aug 20th, 2008 No Comments »
I’m listening to the unabridged audio of “Atlas Shrugged” by Ayn Rand.
This is what baptism should feel like.
Posted in inner space on Aug 13th, 2008 No Comments »
I was in the worst living situation. I was in the land of ten thousand roaches, and infinite chiggers. And I was looking around, like a driven maniac, desperately casting about for any other living situation. Actually, not any other situation. I knew how easily one could allow desperation to take hold, then jump with [...]
Posted in inner space on Jun 8th, 2008 No Comments »
you’d think that right after i asked the question (scroll down to the bottom), i’d be right on it, sitting down to peel off another blog post with focus and insight into the answer.
not so. not so at all.
in fact, as soon as i realized where the answer would be taking me, i beat a [...]
Posted in inner space on May 4th, 2008 1 Comment »
it’s never that a person drinks. it’s how they drink that makes them an alcoholic. this particular person was drinking with her husband, then hiding the bottles because her family, who know the couple as teetotalers, “wouldn’t understand”.
that was really my first clue.
symptoms of a problem abounded… from the haphazard way she attacked a project, [...]