here we go … again
Jun 8th, 2008 by tortoise
you’d think that right after i asked the question (scroll down to the bottom), i’d be right on it, sitting down to peel off another blog post with focus and insight into the answer.
not so. not so at all.
in fact, as soon as i realized where the answer would be taking me, i beat a hasty retreat.
maybe it isn’t a retreat. maybe the journey to the answer is so long and the details so many that i must plan my trip within, take a few steps back to survey the terrain and pick my weapons tools before resuming my quest.
bullshit. it’s called avoidance.
the short answer is that i grew up with parental units who were quite comfortable doing completely illogical and nonsensical things, resisting any and all efforts by yours truly for explanation or examination.
so the short answer is, while i abhor the routine with all its trials and aggravations, it’s a very wonted dance, whose steps are so familiar to me that they take little to no thought whatsoever. i engage the fools i come across, knowing full well the waste of time i’m pursuing by giving them space in my life.
like that recliner in your living room with that pointy-ended spring that always gets you when get comfortable. you haven’t thrown it out yet because … well you don’t have a good reason, really, you just haven’t yet. you imagine that it’s going to take more energy to get rid of it and replace it. it won’t take more energy. in fact, it will be tremendously easy. but because you imagine it will take more energy, you don’t.
what makes me even write this today is that i’m now establishing another friendship, and this new friendship has its own warning signs. the red flags are waving — and i see them — and yet … maybe if i sit a certain way, i can avoid the pointy end of the spring.
madness.